Plz some advice on my story

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Plz some advice on my story

Postby duke2duke » Sun Jul 03, 2011 11:18 am

Hello Dragonladies memebers,

my name is Bert, 27 years old and i would like some advice on my situation.

I met a filipina girl on a xxx camsite in august last year. I really enjoyed talking to her and i decided that it would be nice to meet her in real.
During my first months i knew her i visited this website to have some info on how things can go bad and for what you should be carefull. I never thought that one day i would be posting myself to ask for your advice :-(

this is my story, ill try to keep it short but informative.

i met this girl in august 2010, i really liked her and after some months of chatting i asked her if i could visit her when i was in Philippines. She agreed and seemed also quite excited. so i booked a ticket to go meet her in march 2011 which i did. i already helped her sometimes by sending her some money (i know number 1 rule: dont send money to someone you dont know in person)

When i arrived in Ph, i called her that i was there but she didn't replied immediatly, only after 2 days she contacted me. The girl lives in Davao, but since my plane ticket only took me to cebu i told her i was gonna stay some days in cebu to get used to the Ph culture. She was a bit disappointed but she could understand. i was bit nervous to go meet her and i also told her that, something she didn't really like.

So i finally got myself together and went to davao to go met her april 15. When we first met it was really fun, it didn't feel strange or akward. She took me to her sisters place where we stayed for 2 days and then we went to digos where this girl lives, together with her brother and his wife. Those people were all very friendly, i never had the feeling something was wro,g with the situation. After a while we went to meet her parents who live in the province. i really enjoyed my time there cause i was like a special someone in the village, after a while all people knew me there. We did a loyt of fun things, going to the coralreef and up the mountain, she took really good care of me. Also her parents and family were very caring.

I stayed there for 2 months, i lived with her like we we're a couple. At the time i really enjoyed that.
But when i came back in my country i felt strange, i wasn't sure if this girl is someone with whom i wanted to spend the rest of my life. i talked about that with her and ofcourse she was really hurt but she could understand. But after a few days she said she felt strange and i told her to take a pregnancy test, which at first she didn't want to cause she said that i maybe would get mad if she was preggy. we had a lot of unprotedted sex (i knowi know :-() so its very plausible
in the end she did one and kaboom she is preggy! she also went to the echo and i saw that picture, the baby is already 6 weeks old!

i thought i was gonna have a heartattack. at first i tried to tell her everything would be alright but after a while i saw the situation for what it really was and i tried to have a talk with her about abortion. she went mad and said that if i wouldn't suppport her she would take care of the baby herself. that week i was in a bad psycological shape, i kept changing my thought about keeping the baby or getting an abortion. i asked her some times more if maybe abortion wasn't the best thing to do but she really got mad and said i didn't deserve to be a dad. She also said if you really dont want this baby i will abort it, cause you push me to it! I didn't wanted to push her ofcourse, it should be a decision she makes up for herself.
That night she wrote me an email telling i was just a sextourist and that i made her preggy and just left her on her own. Ofcourse i was shocked cause i never had the intention to use her just as a travel pleasure, i really have something for her. She also told me i made a final decision i will keep the baby, no matter what you do. you know its hard for me to work on the cam now but i will casue i need the money.

I really felt remorse (i am really a person who tries to do the right thing, eventho i make stupid decisions) and i told her i would respect her choice and i would take my responsability as a father.
Im still not sure what i want with her, relation wise. i try to support her as a pregnant woman but its hard cause it seems i still have a relationship with her.
One of the reasons i dont want a relationship with her is because , even tho i want it so much, i don't really trust her 100%. Reason for this is that she lied about meeting her exboyfriend and also she was still on a dating site while we were dating.She told me its nothing for her, that i shouldn't be worried about it. For her not being married means you're single so you still can meet people but not date them (its true i said i didn't wanted to marry her)


i talked abourt this with my friends and most of them say it all sounds a bit fishy! they told me that at first i should be 100% sure if she is preggy before sending her money. they also told me that it was her choice to work as a camgirl and that i shouldn't feel bad for letting her work now, cause most woman work while they are preggy.
This girl already has a son, i didn't mind that at first but now she is saying like: oh im again preggy without a marriage i feel so pitty for myself. I told her from the start when i met her i wasn't ready to marry, something she really regrets.

sorry if all this is not explained very well but its hard to pour it a a straight story. i just feel like im getting lost. its like im having a selffulfilling prophecy here all the red flags i see i try to think away.

So plz some advice: how i know she really is preggy? what with her? how can i be a good dad? and how to support her if she is preggy? i dont want my baby to have a bad pregnancy
If she really is preggy i want to help with the baby, thats something i know for sure. If i didn't want this to happen i should have used protection. thing is that im not sure how to do this? just sending money so she doesn't have to work isn't really what i want. i know that she can earn good money on her cam site(one she only uses since 3 months, before she was on crappy sites were she couldn't earn properly)
And what about her? i was with her 2 months and i really like her personality, but still something in my head is giving me warning signals. its hard to have a loving relationship when you cant trust eachother.
My one friend said she is really good at reading people and since im an open book she is just always saying and doing things to make me feel guilty or bad. But on other hand she can be so supportive and understanding.

i made a huge mess, first of all by visiting her and second by getting her preggy. Any advice would be welcome (and plz i know i made stupid decisions, so dont point them out, the damage is already done (if she is preggy)

thanks in advance it really made me feel better to talk about this.

hoep to hear you soon

Bert
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Re: Plz some advice on my story

Postby mycondolences » Sun Jul 03, 2011 3:56 pm

Well, sorry to hear about your situation. What I have come to learn from these girls, is, they know exactly what to say to you. It's sort of like they can read your every thought. If I was in your shoes, first off, I would demand her go to a doctor now, and have some sort of proof in writing sent to me by the doctor's office.( Specifically with how long she has been pregnant, and make sure the information is dated.) I would not send any money to her at this time until you are absolutely certain, without a shadow of a doubt that she is really pregnant, and the date correlates with the time you were intimate with her.

Unfortunately, I have a friend who went through the same situation, and after he had paid over 4,ooo dollars to her, he found out she was not even pregnant. I am not saying this is true in your situation, but we all have a sixth sense to some degree, and yours is kicking in for some reason.

Yes, you were not wise when you were with her, but this could be just a scam, or a situation where she will do her best to take advantage of you.

Just remember, do not jump into something to fast, and I will be looking forward to reading more about your situation.

I hope this helps.
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Re: Plz some advice on my story

Postby liz28 » Sun Jul 03, 2011 4:08 pm

First, try to identify what is it about her that bothers you and what keeps you from committing fully into the relationship. Is it that you cannot see yourself having a girlfriend who works as a cam girl? That you enjoy being with her but you cannot imagine introducing her to your friends and family and let them know what kind of job she has? Is that it?

duke2duke wrote:i tried to have a talk with her about abortion.

Well I guess its time to take responsibility for your action, you cannot do one thing without the consequences. Abortion is not an open subject in the Phils and although many have done it, your typical Pinay will not agree with such abhorrent idea. I mean your idea of KILLING the baby is running away from responsibility.The problem will not go away if you run from it, you have to face it. And that will be your problem now, to find out whether she really is pregnant and if the baby is yours. Or shes just using the ''im pregnant'' story to get money from you.....
duke2duke wrote:how i know she really is preggy?

You cant unless you go there personally and have her checked. And then you have to make sure the baby is yours.....you wouldnt want to support someone else's baby.......You made your bed, you lay on it........
My present mood is brought to you by fresh pineapple juice....
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Re: Plz some advice on my story

Postby Maria » Sun Jul 03, 2011 4:53 pm

Bert, first of, don't panic. Getting preggies is a common entrapment methods for women regardless of nationality. This naturally is a gamble, especially for Pinays to ensure the incoming flow of that $$. I mean what could be nice but have that money on your account at the end of the month without you working for it? Consequently, I have seen such schemes fail when the "daddy" realizes he is not the daddy, or the guy simply gets fed up and walks away. I mean really, you need to ask her why she did not take precautions knowing you had no intention to marry her. You did make this clear to her, did you not? So to me, the whole thing sounds a huge set-up, and forgive me for being skeptical, but I've just seen lots of these cases, more often than not the Kano is not the daddy.

When I was a school girl, I used to visit an Aunt who lived in Angeles City and ran a boarding house for single girls. Naturally most single girls work at nights, i.e. clubs. They get pregnant to their Pinoy BFs and they tell the Kano it's his. More often than not, Mr. Kano just accepted it, despite the obvious Asian features of the baby, then the $$ flows. :thumbsdown Maybe they really knew baby were not theirs anyway, and just played along until they ship out and never to be heard of again, leaving the mum holding the baby - literally! Some of the Pinays who come here preggies from their Pinoy BF claimed they've been raped by a cousin, uncle etc. but did not tell because they don't want trouble, and Aussie husbands just accept it (are you guys all saints? ;) . I am just telling you this just so you know of some of the tricks that my (unfortunate) country women do.

Anyway, you never know if she got lucky. I agree with Liz that you have to ensure baby is yours or make a decision and take the chance that it is not and walk away. Or wait till it's born and demand a DNA. If you're US citizen, the US embassy uses their own authorized DNA labs due to too many fake positive results in the Philippines. I mean, you guys are lucky that your country are taking that much interest in your welfare (read indiscretions), and are making sure that the babies are yours for the purposes of citizenship and support.
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Re: Plz some advice on my story

Postby Cal A Baugh » Sun Jul 03, 2011 5:14 pm

Yes, you don't know if you are the father of the baby, and some filipinas have been known to be uh 'creative' when it come to naming 'the father' or needing support for invisible babies.

I know of one man who went to the Phils to meet his online GF, she didn't like him, the family said 'WAIT'.......and they produced a young relative from the provinces, who was willing to sleep with and marry this stranger. It turned out she was willing to sleep with and marry this stranger since she was already pregnant with the baby of her poor pinay lover.
New US BF conveniently arrived in time to be picked clean for the support of the kid, and benefit of the family.....and they did.

'Cam girl relationships' rarely work out. These girls have learned to make a living by manipulating men, initially by displaying body parts, and sticking things in various orifices on cam, and eventually (if not already) by words.

In a way, if this is all that happened during this trip, or as a result of it, you're lucky
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Re: Plz some advice on my story

Postby Maria » Sun Jul 03, 2011 5:48 pm

I like your choice of words, Admin; "creative". You are being very polite here, Admin :nurse

But yes, the Pinays are well-know for pointing the finger at the wrong Dad. And in many cases, any Dad will do since the "offender" has since fled the area. I wished Blink's here so he can lecture you on cam girls and Pinay relationships. You should try and read his posts. He does not mince words. If it is a spade, he calls it a shovel, but he's usually spot on.

Bert, let me ask you something: Do you really, really, really think that a Cam girl will tell you the truth 100%???? :roll: I mean you yourself has stated you were having doubts. What does that tell you, huh? And her saying she's gonna go back to being a cam girl so she can support your baby - DUH! Any woman will say that to tug at the heart strings. It is called EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL my lad, and us Pinays are very good at it. I mean just imagine having a tribeful of Aunts and female cousins and friends and sisters telling you all the same thing (how to get your way with your man) before they even start puberty. By the time they reach full adulthood, they become the Mistress of Manipulation.
Of course this does not solve the dilemma of whether baby is yours or not. And expect her to turn the screws of the conscience tighter should you dare tell her you are walking. hmm let me see, "how could you do this to our baby?" with tears streaming down her eyes. Or "Don't worry, I am capable of supporting our baby, even if it means I have to sell my body to the highest bidder!". Oh, forgot. They also learn a lot from the Filipino soapies. You should watch a few. There are some with English translation.
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Re: Plz some advice on my story

Postby cccssscccsss » Sun Jul 03, 2011 5:51 pm

First of all, did you do the math to know that she got pregnant during your visit?
I know it does not guarantee 100% cause she could have a go when she told you she was going to the market, but if the math is wrong you are off the hook.

Second, the only way to know for sure that you are the father is a DNA test after the fact, and you should be there to ensure it is a real test. They can fabricate anything, including what you saw so far (pregnancy test and ultrasound).

If there is a kid and he/she is yours you should suck it up and take care of him/her.
Obviously, you will be in a very bad position cause the drama that will certainly come is not for the fainted at heart, but the kid is not at fault.
So, it will be time to be informed and not being taken for a ride.
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Re: Plz some advice on my story

Postby duke2duke » Mon Jul 04, 2011 7:26 am

hey dragonladies members,

thank you so much for giving your opinion/advice on this matter! Most of the things sounded quite reasonable. I'll try to give some extra info on...

@ mycondolences: you're right that i should ask for a paper from the doctor but i don't really know yet how i can ask her that without raising to many questions. I sended her last week $350 to help her with the first medical costs and vitamins, something that after i read all this is maybe stupid but at least if she really would be preggy i have at least a clean consience.

@ liz28: thanks for asking what bothers me in her. since i have been there in ph together with her it really gives me a bad feeling to know she is on cam ( i always told her before that i didn't mind because in the end it makes good moneyè compared to a regular job in ph). But since im back its kinda strange. You're right about introducing her to my family. Im not ashamed of her so i tried already a few times to let her say hi to my family but she always says she is shy. She even said ill just show them the baby and not me cause they mighth get mad at me cause im not a decent girl.
And to be honest i never asked her why she didn't use aniconception ( she indeed knew i am not ready to marry). I asked her once if she wanted to take the pill when i would return (this was before i knew she was preggy) and she said she didn't feel like it cause it would make her fat
About the abortion you're 100% right. i started talking about it without really thinking. After i read some articles about abortion i didn't want it no more, i dont want to givce her a trauma for the rest of her life.
going personally: i have been thinking to do that for already 2 weeks but i need to pay some stuff here so i don't really have the money. Beside that im also a bit scared of going there, i never had the feeling they are dangerous people but you never know.

@maria: a paternity test is indeed a good idea but i'm not a US citizen so ill have to have a think about that.
what you say about emotional blackmail is so true: at first i didnt really saw it but she has been doing this on a regular basis. and for sure she knows im quite emphatic. my friends said that im an open book and she is just a very good reader :-) thing is don't a lot of ladies do this? in the end they are alone and maybe scared?


@ Cal A baught: i have know her for over 9 months now, i didn't get tyhe feeling she doesn't really like me. Ofcourse im not a very hard person to bullshit, thats something i did learn from this whole case. she always is proud to present me to other people both in real as in for example fb.

@cccsscccss: i have done the calculation. i was there for 2 months and she is now 6 weeks' almost 7. so if i count it seems legit, but on the other hand it means she got preggy in the first 2 or 3 weeks i was there. and what you say about getting some when she was away? im not sure she has been almost all the time with me but ofcourse everything is possible.


I just would like to mention some more things:

at first when she tol me she was preggy and showed me her stick i was like :"wow really is that true". Cause i kept saying wow its crazy she said after a while" ofcourse its true what do you think i got a preggy one to pie on my stick? That raised my eyebrows, i mean why would you even think like that

the last week i was there i found some pictures of a halfnaked exboyfriend. when i asked her when those pics were taken she said ow long time ago, i dont really remember. But i saw those pics were made by the camera she only bought a few months ago, i din't really believe her so i asked her more questions. she kept denying but after i downloaded those pics from her photobucket i showed her the metadata, which indicated the pic was taken on february 15 2011 with her cam! So i really got mad because she was lying and i asked her what happened there that night. she said he had texted her that there was an emergency and so she went there. tehy just had dinner and no sex, she says she aint sexually attracted to him anymore. But when i look back at it, she has been texting with him quite a few times while i was there. so stupid i didn't say anything about it when i was there. Maybe because she told me everytime she recieved a text of him and we had already been talking a lot about her past realtionship.

2 days ago we were talking ( we talk almost everyday in ym chat) and suddenly she asked whether my friend (who was her when she told me she was preggy) believed or she really was preggy. I asked her why wouldn't he? is there any reason why he shouldn't believe it? she just answered" nah i just care for his opinion.

you guys are right that there are so many question marks, but for me its all so strange. i feel in my guts thats maybe something is wrong but on the othr hand i cant belief that she would do that. in those 2 months i was there she really was a sweet normal girl. Maybe i cant think clear cause there are love feelings involved. ALso if she would try to set me up and she aint preggy that will be good for both of us. at least i know what kinda person she is. But in my mind there is always the "what if". what if she really is preggy with my baby what if she really likes me. Also what if she doesn't like me but got preggy by accident, its still my baby. do i want a girl like that to raise my child?

i know i cant send any money no more untill i know for sure she is preggy. and even then i understand its best to do a paternity test.
thing is how can i make all this clear to her? cause i cant say her i dont trust her, she just will try to make me belief her. tahts been a big mistake of me. everytime i saw something weird or strange i told her that. For example: since i came back she was working again on her cam, she didn't seem dizzy or annoyed to be honest. she even made quite some money.Cause i told her i didn't like to see her on cam no more but it was also hard for me not to go to her cam she said if you want ill stop camming cause my love for you is more important. But im not a guy who wants to tell people what to do so i told her its ok ill just try to be more open for it. After that she blocked me from her camsite. after a few days i got curious and so i typed her workname in google and i found some videos. First time ever i found vids of her on the net. I was like "wow i should tell her that she is being recorded" so i did tell her and ofcourse she was shocked. The day after she told me that she couldn't cam no more because she is dizzy all the time and that its not good for the baby to be naked all the time. I was happy at first but now im thinking: what if i wouldn't have told her sghould she still be working? maybe she is still working right now, i just dont know where?


this is certainly a crazy story and i know im responsible for it bigtime. i just want to do the right thing for her the baby and me. I dont want to distrust her but that feeling is there i cant help it. I just feel sad for her casue maybe she aint a bad girl and if not im just an ass to think all those bad things of her.
my friends told me dont give her money untill you're 100% sure she is preggy. And maybe she will be a bit mad but if she really loves you then she will understand you have to work to pay some of your debts back. If she doesn't understand then you know what she is. And if she really is preggy she will be more than happy that you take your responsability in a few months. i really know they are right ( i have smart friends, dont ask me why i dont always listen to them)

thanks again for all your advice

haha ill be honest sometimes i feel like i am a character of a bad B movie. But thanks you guys for tryi,g to help me and not judging me.

hear you soon

Bert
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Re: Plz some advice on my story

Postby Cal A Baugh » Mon Jul 04, 2011 7:51 am

No more money!!!!

Contact the consulate in Manila for your country, and ask if they have any suggestions, or procedures to determine paternity of a phils child, possibly fathered by a citizen.

Dont' pay her for anything directly at this point. Not the paternity tests, nothign.

Verify everything she tells you independently of her her. You can't trust her.

See if you can verify paternity first, before you make any other decisions.

You can be a 'good guy' without offering yourself up to be raped, but too often pregnancies of this nature magically vanish when the man doesn't want to send money, (I'm not talking abortion, they were never pregnant) or the father is not who she is pointing the finger at.

The ladies on the board can comment on whether $350 was excessive for the intitial office visit and vitamins, (I'd guess so)
but you need to determin if it's your problem, first.
Don't forget, if she was willing to meet you, 'do' you, regardless of what sort of relationship you had online, she was probably willing to meet another guy, and 'do' him.
Some of these girls work this way.......Guy 'A' may pass Guy 'B' in the airport......one arriving, one departing.

;)
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Re: Plz some advice on my story

Postby Cal A Baugh » Mon Jul 04, 2011 7:53 am

PM me her email address or addresses and I will look to see if I can find anything. No..I won't contact her.
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