Hello Dragonladies memebers,
my name is Bert, 27 years old and i would like some advice on my situation.
I met a filipina girl on a xxx camsite in august last year. I really enjoyed talking to her and i decided that it would be nice to meet her in real.
During my first months i knew her i visited this website to have some info on how things can go bad and for what you should be carefull. I never thought that one day i would be posting myself to ask for your advice
this is my story, ill try to keep it short but informative.
i met this girl in august 2010, i really liked her and after some months of chatting i asked her if i could visit her when i was in Philippines. She agreed and seemed also quite excited. so i booked a ticket to go meet her in march 2011 which i did. i already helped her sometimes by sending her some money (i know number 1 rule: dont send money to someone you dont know in person)
When i arrived in Ph, i called her that i was there but she didn't replied immediatly, only after 2 days she contacted me. The girl lives in Davao, but since my plane ticket only took me to cebu i told her i was gonna stay some days in cebu to get used to the Ph culture. She was a bit disappointed but she could understand. i was bit nervous to go meet her and i also told her that, something she didn't really like.
So i finally got myself together and went to davao to go met her april 15. When we first met it was really fun, it didn't feel strange or akward. She took me to her sisters place where we stayed for 2 days and then we went to digos where this girl lives, together with her brother and his wife. Those people were all very friendly, i never had the feeling something was wro,g with the situation. After a while we went to meet her parents who live in the province. i really enjoyed my time there cause i was like a special someone in the village, after a while all people knew me there. We did a loyt of fun things, going to the coralreef and up the mountain, she took really good care of me. Also her parents and family were very caring.
I stayed there for 2 months, i lived with her like we we're a couple. At the time i really enjoyed that.
But when i came back in my country i felt strange, i wasn't sure if this girl is someone with whom i wanted to spend the rest of my life. i talked about that with her and ofcourse she was really hurt but she could understand. But after a few days she said she felt strange and i told her to take a pregnancy test, which at first she didn't want to cause she said that i maybe would get mad if she was preggy. we had a lot of unprotedted sex (i knowi know
) so its very plausible
in the end she did one and kaboom she is preggy! she also went to the echo and i saw that picture, the baby is already 6 weeks old!
i thought i was gonna have a heartattack. at first i tried to tell her everything would be alright but after a while i saw the situation for what it really was and i tried to have a talk with her about abortion. she went mad and said that if i wouldn't suppport her she would take care of the baby herself. that week i was in a bad psycological shape, i kept changing my thought about keeping the baby or getting an abortion. i asked her some times more if maybe abortion wasn't the best thing to do but she really got mad and said i didn't deserve to be a dad. She also said if you really dont want this baby i will abort it, cause you push me to it! I didn't wanted to push her ofcourse, it should be a decision she makes up for herself.
That night she wrote me an email telling i was just a sextourist and that i made her preggy and just left her on her own. Ofcourse i was shocked cause i never had the intention to use her just as a travel pleasure, i really have something for her. She also told me i made a final decision i will keep the baby, no matter what you do. you know its hard for me to work on the cam now but i will casue i need the money.
I really felt remorse (i am really a person who tries to do the right thing, eventho i make stupid decisions) and i told her i would respect her choice and i would take my responsability as a father.
Im still not sure what i want with her, relation wise. i try to support her as a pregnant woman but its hard cause it seems i still have a relationship with her.
One of the reasons i dont want a relationship with her is because , even tho i want it so much, i don't really trust her 100%. Reason for this is that she lied about meeting her exboyfriend and also she was still on a dating site while we were dating.She told me its nothing for her, that i shouldn't be worried about it. For her not being married means you're single so you still can meet people but not date them (its true i said i didn't wanted to marry her)
i talked abourt this with my friends and most of them say it all sounds a bit fishy! they told me that at first i should be 100% sure if she is preggy before sending her money. they also told me that it was her choice to work as a camgirl and that i shouldn't feel bad for letting her work now, cause most woman work while they are preggy.
This girl already has a son, i didn't mind that at first but now she is saying like: oh im again preggy without a marriage i feel so pitty for myself. I told her from the start when i met her i wasn't ready to marry, something she really regrets.
sorry if all this is not explained very well but its hard to pour it a a straight story. i just feel like im getting lost. its like im having a selffulfilling prophecy here all the red flags i see i try to think away.
So plz some advice: how i know she really is preggy? what with her? how can i be a good dad? and how to support her if she is preggy? i dont want my baby to have a bad pregnancy
If she really is preggy i want to help with the baby, thats something i know for sure. If i didn't want this to happen i should have used protection. thing is that im not sure how to do this? just sending money so she doesn't have to work isn't really what i want. i know that she can earn good money on her cam site(one she only uses since 3 months, before she was on crappy sites were she couldn't earn properly)
And what about her? i was with her 2 months and i really like her personality, but still something in my head is giving me warning signals. its hard to have a loving relationship when you cant trust eachother.
My one friend said she is really good at reading people and since im an open book she is just always saying and doing things to make me feel guilty or bad. But on other hand she can be so supportive and understanding.
i made a huge mess, first of all by visiting her and second by getting her preggy. Any advice would be welcome (and plz i know i made stupid decisions, so dont point them out, the damage is already done (if she is preggy)
thanks in advance it really made me feel better to talk about this.
hoep to hear you soon